A wrench in the works.

Well something I've failed (or chosen not to) blog about is the surprise turn in the wedding planning circle of death. As it's well known now, during the very beginning of our engagement, we've had little issues arise from both the MIL and the MOB. After two months of stress and disagreements, it appeared that everything was settled (more to the delight of the parents as opposed to the Bride & Groom. Who ever said passiveness didn't please?).

Unfortunately, much to my dismay, it appears that the dreaded wrench has been thrown into the plan. It's now the MOB who has turned the tables sour.

A month or so ago, the day I ordered my wedding dress became a day I will never forget. Not because I was so delighted to find the dress of my dreams AND it is being completely paid for (although that did happen) and it was so magical of a moment that birds sang, the sun shined brighter and the whole world stopped to celebrate this glorious purchase. The day will be remembered for the hellacious argument that my mother and I had. Not really what I had pictured...much like this entire engagement process thus far.

Without getting into any specifics, the issue between my Mom and I boil down to control. As identically stubborn, independent women, we often butt heads. There were things said that I will never be able to get out of my mind. It's hard for me to grasp the hot/cold change that the Mom went through being so happy and "we'll do our best to make this day everything you and Matt wanted" to "we'll do our best to get everything that we want."

I have already released the reception site of my choosing for my least wanted choice---a local American Legion Hall. My mother has chosen the menu, most details about the cake (luckily, I did get to pick the design. That was before the "Big Switch" was thrown), she has manhandled the flowers, and has chosen a decorator that I do not really agree with. In short, my dream dress, groom and I will just show up when instructed.

It's gotten to the point to where my "if he were any more laid back he'd be in a coma" groom has given my Mom one to turn her strange treatment around before he's going to have a FSIL to FMIL chat about this issue. Out of the blue this weekend, he flat out told me that my misery over the past few months has been terrible. He cannot sit back any longer and let this battle of the independent ladies go on any farther. AND, he will no longer let me constantly be miserable.

I really did not realize that I did, in fact, usually come home in a state of minor misery after having my evening phone call with Mom. It doesn't matter what we talk about, our talks just aren't the same. There's always that undertone of "I'm not going to go back to normal until you apologize" in her voice. She's the one that said hurtful things. I'm the one that isn't going to deal with the petty fighting. When all is said and done at the end of the day: Matt and I have the final say on one thing. The guest list. If we choose to pay for the overflow they don't want, then so be it.

Now isn't that a stupid reason to fight with your only daughter? It's all about control. I realize that, and I know she realizes that. And to be completely honest, and in a completely non 'I’m going to win this fight' frame of mind, I'm done with this. I just continue each day knowing that the wedding is pretty much polar opposite of the vision I had. I can say all day long that it doesn't matter anymore, but I know that deep down, it surely does.

But what do I have through all of this? My Matt. AND my promise of an awesome everything-we-could-have-dreamed-of-and-more honeymoon in Jamaica. During that trip, I plan on having an intimate, renewal of vows that only the two of us attend. It will be everything we imagined and then some. Much like our marriage will be.

So to the readers...am I handling this in the wrong way? It's not a headstrong thing for me at this point, I've just thrown up the white flag of defeat. Have you had unexpected issues with your own family during your engagement/wedding planning process?

P.S. A deeply heartfelt thank you goes out to my wonderful Matt. Without him, I would have lost it long ago. <3