Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Hello, my name is: The anti-blogger.
Since I started this blog months ago I was so excited to get to share my life at the world--and do it all while I waste time at work! Little did I know at the time that my new-found hobby would be short lived.
I've had a lot going on lately: turmoil at my job (which had promise to be the first amazing stop on the My-Career-Rocks train, but turned out to be more of a huge pot-hole on the road to find a better job), the realization that relocating isn't all it's cracked up to be, and the even more crude realization that adulthood isn't that great either! Needless to say, I feel like I've become more of a Debbie Downer than ever expected--and have gotten the concerned comments from my other half to prove it!
Maybe one of my latest frustraiting dreams can explain my "pot-hole" a little better: I see myself heading back to another year of high school after summer vacation. I get to the first day a little early to be sure that I know which classrooms I'll be going to, and realize that I've left my schedule, backpack and books at my house. Living far enough away that I couldn't make it there and back in time, I went to the main office to see if they would print my schedule off for me. After a very rude session with the main secretary, a bout with broken computers in the lab, I'm left to wandering through the hallways trying to painstakingly remember what classes I was taking, and trying to guess what rooms they would be in. When I woke up, I was sweaty, incredibly tense and even more aggitated.
Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real that you were bothered by it for hours after waking up? That's exactly what this was.
As the next day went on, I finally realized that this was just a perfect display of how I'm internally struggling with life right now. Regardless of how hard I've planned over the past four years, every day I head to work it seems like I'm aimlessly wandering the halls trying to find my place--with my co-workers, administration, and in my career.
Anyone who knows me at all, can tell you that I am all about being organized. I'm a planner. I'm a binder-keeper. I just like to freakin' know what tomorrow is going to bring. For the past four months, I've faced nothing but uncertainty. How many more hours will I be reduced at work? Will I be able to pay my bills? How will I ever save for the future? Why can't I find a better job? Why am I so unhirable? WHY WON'T MATT PROPOSE! :-P
Well that last question is added just as the icing on the cake--I'm pretty sure that if I was faced with trying to plan a wedding right now I would have a break down (but would be content to sit and stare at a beautiful rock on my finger--haha)
With the economic situations in the State of Illinois, and at my non-profit employer, the future is still very fogged over. It's to the point now, where I'm just getting up every day like a robot and plugging through the day without a thought in the world. I've learned to leave the stress from the day at the office, and try to enjoy my evenings with my man--there will always be time tomorrow to catch up on what I couldn't accomplish the day before. With the furloughs, I'm down to four days a week which makes it nearly impossible to plan for an upcoming auction that is hoped to raise more than 20K. I keep repeating this mantra in my head: There is nothing I can do about it but wait.
So during all of this waiting, I've applied for about 30+ jobs with no bites on my line. I don't even know what to say about that. I'm feeling very unmarketable and out of touch with my PR "skills" and am concerned that I will be stuck in a dead-end job forever. That's just not a happy outlook to already have after being in the working world for only FOUR MONTHS.
But on a lighter note: A college of mine mentioned to me that as a stress releiver, she has resorted to making jewelry (and has even been pubished in a beading magazine!). The small, controlled environment and patience that it takes to create on of her masterpieces gives her the opportunity to somehow control the unruley aspects of her day. Being a jewelry lover, I thought this was not only a wonderful way to relieve stress, but hopefully a wonderful way to expand my jewl collection without having to spend a ton of money--not to mention the fact that I would have the satisfaction of knowing how my planning and control actually led to a finished product.
I started my new "hobby" last night with a more dressy/casual dress bracelet. It was a three strand with clasp, which involves tons of counting and patience. I managed to get all three strands finished--only to have dropped that final strand with only a few more beads to go. That was my cue to hit the sack and try again the next day. (after saying a few short words and threatening to throw it out in the front yard. Matt got a kick out of that, saying that it "sounds like my stress-reliever hobby was going well). 
To be really honest, even with my setback, I did feel like I accomplished something and had control over one tiny aspect of my life. In that respect, I guess you could say my hobby is a success thus far!
-----------Wow! Look at this...a whole blog post complete!
Maybe it's my upcoming bonding time with Stacy that has helped me get in gear. :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think that Saturday night we should probably drink. I'm just saying, you def need to and it certainly won't hurt me either! Hang in there, humpday is almost over and it will be Saturday before you know it!
ReplyDelete