You know what?...apparently I'm just not consistent.

I'm starting to get a little irritated with myself about my total lack of blog posts, followed by an apology blog post where I promise that I will become a frequent blogger. Recently I (along with my pal Stacy) have realized that it's time to stop fretting and apologizing, and to just get on with it. So here it is.

I'm not sorry for not writing in almost two months. I'm disappointed that I didn't, but honestly, I just don't know when I would have had the time to do it. Blogging is something that's very enjoyable for me...unfortunately it's become much like my beloved pastime of reading: there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything in.

And to be even more frankly honest, I think that I've also been afraid to write my true blogger feelings and that I would outwardly look as crazed and stressed as I really am on the inside. Few people actually see the real me at high stress times, and I like to tend to keep it that way.

I'm also not going to get on here and promise to be more frequent. As decided in my faithful gchats with my beloved friend Stacy, we've both just got to let things go. But really, that is way easier said than done. It seem like every other day the two of us are helping coax the other out of a mini (or major) meltdown. Between wedding planning (that poor girl's wedding is one month and TWO days away--I pray for her each day), trying to have big career dreams while being stuck in dead-end jobs, and waiting in constant, AGONIZING anticipation of where our man's next career choice will take us, it's no wonder we get crazed and cranky. I think it's an awesome feat that we're not heavily medicated yet. (Note I said yet--there's a first for everything). No, I take that back. Stacy won't need meds, that'll most likely be me. haha.

But anyway, narcotic jokes aside, it's time to get serious. Why blog? For those of us who don't have some insanely awesome crafty talent or the time to read or have a super cool hobby like skydiving, there has to be one moment in the day that's ours. When you live with a man and a puppy (who, I might add, is more human than any mutt dog I've ever met), have a full time job and a FULL plate of responsibilities, there really isn't a "place" to go where you can have a free moment to yourself. Remember when you were younger and you could retreat to your very own bedroom with your very own personal space and do what you very well wanted to? That doesn't really exist in grown-up ville. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's definitely an adjustment. This adjustment I would have assumed was long past and accomplished, but sometimes I still wonder.

Now this would normally be the time where I sit back and say "I, Blogger Melissa, do solemnly promise to blog once per week. I shall take the time for myself, lock myself in the bathroom (or whatever room doesn't have a man and a dog in it) and blog...and I will like it." Luckily the new more honestly blunt Melissa doesn't do that.

Instead, I'm going to promise to take time to chill out. And when I say time, I mean the two moments I try to remind myself WHY it isn't necessary to have a breakdown about the simplest little things. Maybe I'll promise to be a weekly submitter to Pissed Off Bride. MAYBE I'll make a promise to be more open minded about life and remind myself that things could be so SO so much worse than what I make them out to be. Who knows. Maybe when I finally decide something, I'll blog about it.

The funniest thing is: I honestly do have a legal pad that sits on my desk at work. Contained on the wrinkled, well traveled pages of this legal pad are a "to do" list for blogging. I ACTUALLY have notes I've taken at various times about topics I wanted to blog about. Much like all of my other to do lists, however, it's sitting in the SAME pile with all of the other ones. Pathetic I know, but it's the best I can do right now. At least I have that truth going for me.

I AM sorry that I've fallen off the face of the earth, but not because my 3.5 readers have missed me. I'm sorry that I haven't chosen to take enough me time so I can stay sane and release whatever pent up issues I have. Did you know that'll make you cranky?

Moral of the story: I got out of bed today, put on a cute skirt, put all of my makeup on and came to work feeling pretty. That's better than what I have been doing lately. Maybe sometime in the near future, I'll even polish off one of those to do lists.

Until the next time---I'll catch you on the flip side.